Okay, listen. Before we even get into this discussion, I want to point out a few things:
- Despite my Pagan identity, I actually really like Christmas. I like the decorations and the greeting cards and the excuse to spoil the people I love. I like snow. I like Christmas-themed movies. I like eggnog. Christmas is great.
- In previous years, I’ve made posts about how much I dislike Christmas music in November. This year, I managed to hold off until mid-December. I feel like I deserve a little credit for that.
The thing is, this year, I started hearing Christmas music as early as November 1. Because I like to pretend that I have a life outside of work, I sometimes venture into shopping malls and other social locations, and because (for whatever reason) corporations across America have decided that Christmas should begin as soon as Halloween has ended (though in many places, the two seem to coincide), that means I’ve been hearing covers of “Jingle Bells” and “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” for almost two months. I don’t mind Christmas music in small doses, especially as we get closer to the day itself. But listening to Christmas music for almost two months just seems like overkill.
Add to that the fact that the Christmas music started two days earlier at my job than it usually does, and you have one incredibly irritated retail employee. If I have to hear a choral version of “Blue Christmas” or any version of “A Marshmallow World” one more time this week, I might snap. But I have no choice. There are 14 days left until Christmas, which means I have to hear those songs — and all the others that Corporate has decided to add to its “Christmas mix” — eight times before the holiday. Actually, I take that back. I work eight shifts at this job between now and Christmas day. So that means I probably have to hear those songs 48 times, or so, since the “Christmas mix” on the company radio seems to involve the same 10 Christmas songs covered by 4 to 6 different artists.
I hate to break it to you, but “A Marshmallow World” isn’t any less annoying when sung by a woman than it is when sung by a man. (Why does that song even exist? Why did Carl Sigman and Peter DeRose feel the need to write it in 1949? Did they foresee that it would make retail employees want to commit terrible acts every time they heard it, 64 years in the future?)
I’ve been called a Scrooge so many times for having these feelings, but I can’t help it. There’s something inherently irritating about Christmas music — and I think a very large portion of that has to do with how it’s totally inescapable once Halloween has passed. Maybe if I was eased into it more with the Nightmare Before Christmas soundtrack, I’d be able to deal. Maybe not. It seems that there are only so many Christmas songs, and they’ve all been covered 100+ times. And it’s just so irritating.
Love Christmas, hate the music. Someone add some brandy to that eggnog and then pass me a glass, please?